JustSitAndStare's Xanga

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:17:09 GMT

I really hate this new xanga setup thing...

Anyway, I guess it's time for a bit of an update on this thing. Not that anyone sees it...

Everything's fine and good and well. I still hate school and I still can't wait to get out of it.

I also cannot wait 'til my birthday. 18. March 23. Hurry up...

Valentine's day...I hate it. I do...But it was nice for once. I wanted to see Josh that day, but wasn't expecting to since I was closing at work that night and he had to be up for work the next day. I ended up getting off a little early and went over to his house. He gave me flowers =]]. First time I've ever received anything for Valentine's day that actually meant anything to me. He got me sunglasses too, but I got those earlier in the week. He's my favorite. Ever.

I can't wait for Children's Theatre to be over. I can't wait for High School Musical to be over. I can't wait for OPIES to be over. I can't wait to graduate. I can't wait to kiss Lithia fucking Springs goodbye for forever.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:43:30 GMT

As much as I truly do care about you in every possible way. As long as I have cared about you so much so that I would willingly give everything I am for you, I'm so sick of how you make me feel sometimes. I don't think you even realize you do it, but there's always something more important than spending time with me. Always, even when we haven't seen each other for a week, even when we've hardly been able to speak to each other for a week, there's something ahead of me. You can't even think to just text me before you fall asleep anymore. It hasn't even been three months and I'm already feeling left out in the cold by you.

And by the way, coming over and sleeping does NOT constitute spending time with me...At least not to me. I'm sure other girls would be inclined to disagree, but not me...Especially since you seem to sleep at least an hour everytime you come over. Staying the night, it's fine, but still doesn't contribute to conversation or affection. As much as I adore you and love to watch you sleep, it doesn't make up for the missed time we could be having laughing about something, even arguing about something. Just...something.

How you decided to tell me of your plans to leave me to go off and do something else after I had planned on spending the day with you (and THOUGHT you had planned to as well) on the very day I had planned on spending with you...I don't think you have any idea how much that pissed me off. Though, in the end you did decide to stay with me, the idea that you did have something else to do other than be with me after all of your missing me and wanting to see me during the week we didn't get to see each other infuriated me.

How you had to leave to go home when you could've just stayed the night again. I thought you had a good reason for that, from what I was told at least, but apparently you really didn't seeing as you ended up falling asleep without the call or text later you told me I would receive.

Now, you were going to call me whenever you woke up today? It's 12:45...There's no way you're still sleeping. Have you called? Of course not. Have you even so much as texted me? Nope. Have you even thought to? I doubt it.

What do I really matter to you anyway? You've had better than me. I know you have...So why should I expect to be anymore important to you than everything else you have to do? I'm not, apparently. And I know I'm not the best girl you've ever been with...so why should I matter anymore than anything else you've got going on? What makes me feel so inclined to even be SICK of how you treat me when I'm lucky to call you mine knowing I'm probably hardly the best you could be with right now?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 21:21:39 GMT

Man...I remember when xanga was cool.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 03:11:13 GMT

I want to be completely happy.

But all the good things are taking place in the wrong setting.

Let me keep the good.

But give me a change of scenery and a change of pace.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 19:03:16 GMT

What the fuck
What the fuck
What the fuck?

Why now? Why RIGHT now? At the most fucking opportune of moments you choose NOW!?!

It's not going to mess anything up, I know it, but jesus it's putting me in an awkward ass position.

This is fantastic...

Last night was amazing. Really. Aside from the bitching above, last night was wonderful. I can't wait to fall asleep with you again.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:25:33 GMT

So it's been a month and I finally know what I'm living for. I finally have what I've always always wanted. Persistence does pay off I suppose. It only took me 4 and a half years. I'll never let go, I promise you that.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 21:01:11 GMT

Way to make me hate me even more. Thanks a lot. I knew you would be a mistake. I knew it. I can't believe I put any faith in that. Fuck. I'm not letting it bother me as much as I normally would, but still. Wow, fuck you.

On a lighter more important note...BLAQK AUDIO SEPTEMBER FIFTH!! I have my tickets. And I'm more than ready to dance. September fifth can't come fast enough.

Their CD drops Tuesday! Also exciting, but not quite so much as their show in September. Davey, Jade, and Electro is mad perfection. I'm thrilled. I'm in love.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:40:21 GMT

I need New Orleans.

It may sound silly, but I don't really care what anyone else thinks, it completely breaks my heart that I can't be there anytime soon. I want the French Market, to just sit in front of the St. Louis Cathedral and watch everyone, to browse the voodoo and occult shops, to hear the French Quarter, to smell it. You have no idea what it means to me and how much I miss it and how badly I feel like I need to be there. That's home. I know it and I can't wait until it actually IS home.

It kills me that I can't go this summer. I'm going to beg, plead, and, if I have to, cry my eyes out to go in December for a week. I can't stand not being there. I can't stand being HERE.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 09:25:15 GMT

You have been left alone
A creature of innocence
You lie for what you're worth
And struggle with your confidence

And when your devil complains
And tears you up to start again
And when you're lying on the stage
And nothing works
Just living hurts
Forget, forget
With a secret harmonic emotion

Forget, forget
With a secret harmonic emotion

And so we meet alone
Two players in a puppet show
Don't cry for audience
There's no one that can take you home

And when your devil complains
And tears you up to start again
And when you're lying on the stage
And nothing works
Just living hurts
Forget, forget
With a secret harmonic emotion

Forget, forget
With a secret harmonic emotion

Forget, forget
With a secret harmonic emotion...

Forget, forget
With a secret harmonic emotion

"S.H.E"
-IAMX-

I really feel like I want to die. All of a sudden. And it completely contradicts everything else I've been saying. Everything I've said I've been feeling...Or...lacking in feeling. I don't know. I don't know what this is. I don't know. Really. What the hell is wrong with me?

When I Smell Your Skin You Just Make My Whole World Weep

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 05:09:47 GMT

Hi JustSitAndStare! It's been 1400 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium?

Jeez...1400...and no...I won't.

I swear to you, I'm in love with this man...In complete lustful love. He's completely brilliant. Completely. Not to mention so fucking beautiful...

Yeah...Chris Corner...Please, have all of me and all that I am.
Or at least write a song for me...

Do you pay for your crimes?
Does the punishment fit
Or drag your style to zero?
You're nothing 'til the weekend
If you think that you're the thrill
Take a look at your life
You kneel before your heroes
You're nothing 'til the weekend

Could you care for the blind?
Tell me all in all
They're just your kind of zeros
Something for the weekend
If you think that you can spell
Make a list of the cunts you'd send to hell
And send them
Send them on the weekend

Echo, Echo
I know it's a sin to kiss and swallow
Echo, echo
A kick in your head to kill the hollow
Echo, echo
I know it's a sin to kiss and swallow
Echo, echo
A kick in your head to kill the hollow

Do you care for the blind?
Tell me all in all
They're just your kind of zeros
Something for the weekend
If you think that you can spell
Make a list of the cunts you'd send to hell
And send them
Send them on the weekend

Echo, echo
I know it's a sin to kiss and swallow
Echo, echo
A kick in your head to kill the hollow
Echo, echo
I know it's a sin to kiss and swallow
Echo, echo
A kick in your head to kill the hollow

Are you listening?
No - In the narrowest sense
Are you listening?
I can hold you down by candlelight
With indifference
Let the comfort start
I love you on your right side
It happens
Promises broken
Reasons let go
It happens
Are you listening?

I know it's a sin
But tell me it happens
I know it's a sin
But tell me it happens

Echo, echo, echo
Echo, echo, echo

Echo, echo
I know it's a sin to kiss and swallow
Echo, echo
I know it's a sin to kiss and swallow

"Kiss and Swallow"
-IAMX-

[EDIT] - Watch the videos at the top. You'll understand...Or just be even more confused...Either way...Watch them.